Musings of a Hapabukbuk

Caution: Large, 6 Ton Satellite To Fall Uncontrolled Somewhere in the Vicinity of Earth on Friday, Give or Take a Day.

2011-09-20T14:28:00.004-04:00

So um...you know, don't worry about it. It could hit northwestern Canada or possibly southern Chile sometime this weekend, including Thursday if you take it early. But probably not. The Earth is made up of a lot of water, right? Right?

Read more about this precise prediction here.

The Girls

2011-08-22T21:31:00.004-04:00

"Your mother wears combat boots."
"Yeah, and...?"

Laundry supervisor at work.

Conversations with Cats

2011-06-30T17:01:00.003-04:00

HB: Ooo Lula look! A bug! Get it! Eat it!
Lula: ...
HB: Omg, you ate it. I was kidding. Ew.

So the girls broke a tchotchke and I need to fix it.

2011-06-25T20:59:00.004-04:00

Here's what I was thinking when I last put the glue away:

This is a better spot. It's so obvious. I'll remember where it is.

Here's what I'm thinking now:

Where the F did I put the GD glue?

I've searched everywhere. I'm giving up and buying more.

Which reminds me, I should pick up some ginko biloba.

O.M.G.

2011-06-21T10:38:00.002-04:00

The ice cream truck song is stuck in my head.

Curse you warming weather in an urban neighborhood!

Alert

2011-06-06T12:13:00.000-04:00

I think some guy took a picture of me asleep on the subway this morning.
Awesome.

I've Been Busy Adopting Babies...

2011-05-22T17:19:00.003-04:00

...from the streets of Jersey. You thought I was going to say Africa, didn't you?

Meet Lady Talulah Molasses
(aka Lula, Boog, Skinny Minnie, Lovebug, Weirdo, Get Down!)
11 months

and Miss Olive Angel
(aka Boogaloo, Itsy Bitsy, Nutso, Stinky, Stop That!)
6 months

Not to be dramatic about it but they've been the joy of my life for almost a month now. I just about die with cuteness when I watch them. If you're thinking, uh, another blog about cats, get over it. You know they're cute.

One Night In Bangkok And The World's My Oyster!

2011-04-01T15:48:00.003-04:00

What do I get for three?

Here's to an amazing trip across the world to make me forget about all the tourists I hate in NYC because I will be one in Thailand.

Sanook!

Brilliance

2011-03-29T14:55:00.002-04:00

Here is what sounds like a really, really, REALLY smart idea:

Drilling down to the center of the earth.

Right? Amazing.

Today

2011-03-18T13:45:00.003-04:00

It is absolutely gorgeous in the city today. I took a long walk during lunch to soak in the sun and get some fresh air. I was reminded of why I actually do love this city. I even got a piece of chocolate from a guy handing it out. That's right, I took candy from a stranger. It was delicious.

Oscars, Shmoscars

2011-03-02T17:26:00.003-05:00

Things I have become disenchanted with due to age, realization of the truth and/or bitterness:

-The self-contratulatory, drama bloated Oscars
-My advantage-taking, under-paying Job
-Finding the missing piece
-My own boring cynicism

Things that still make me smile like a child and fill me with joy:

-A warm chocolate chip cookie
-Making travel plans to go to Thailand
-An unexpected genuine compliment
-Finishing an art project

Things that make me go hmmmm.

-Women who insist on using the stall next to mine in the ladies when all the rest are unoccupied
-I actually knew how to do calculus once
-An expanding Universe with different solar systems?
-People who maintain their job despite clearly being unaware of how to do it

Announcement Update

2011-03-01T16:18:00.004-05:00

I receive an amazing amount of junk mail trying to sell me viagra. Is the universe trying to tell me something? Or maybe a side effect of viagra is that it makes the hair of your eyebrows stay the same color. That is to say, if you took viagra you wouldn't wake up one day and have to pluck one lone white eyebrow hair.
I'll take a few cases.
sigh.

Announcement

2011-02-25T14:59:00.002-05:00

I have been slowly going grey since I was 16. It has finally reached a small patch on my right temple, an area which is impossible to dye. Please call the nursing home immediately to secure me a space. I'll start packing.

Latest Time WASTER

2011-02-16T20:57:00.002-05:00

When talk bubbles go wrong:

Pants II

2011-02-14T22:01:00.004-05:00

The other day, and this is no lie, I felt like my pants were on backwards.
I had to keep checking.
I even emailed a friend about it.
Weird.

Pants

2010-12-09T15:48:00.000-05:00

sometimes...it feels as though no one is wearing pants so in order to get through the day they are just pretending like they ARE wearing pants all the while focusing only on the fact that they can't believe they're not wearing pants and so the job they are actually being paid to do goes undone. you know?

Overheard In My Dishwasherless Kitchen

2010-12-01T22:53:00.002-05:00

HB: F'ing dishes. Why can't you do yourselves?

Semantics

2010-09-22T21:10:00.004-04:00

My Dr. called to tell me I am vitamin D deficient and wants me to take 2000IUs of D3 a day, along with a monstrous all in one vitamin I have yet to figure out how to swallow.

What I heard was a bona fide Dr.'s request that I take a week of strict vitamin D consumption at a beach on the Riviera.

Now, how to get that in writing to show the boss man why I'll be away for a while...

WTHIWWY - No Respect, Letter I

2010-09-09T11:44:00.004-04:00

A reading from the book of What The Hell Is Wrong With You?:

Dear fellow yoga practitioners:

I realize the practice of yoga is about finding balance and maintaining a calm, zen-like connection within and to yourself, but I have to say you make it really f'ing hard when you don't respect my personal space and walk your damn, dirty feet across my mat. Seriously, WALK AROUND IT. The 6 inches out of your way will not kill you. I will, however, if you step on my mat again.

Fond Regards,
HB

Important Subconscious Revelations

2010-08-13T21:01:00.004-04:00

I dreamed that Eric Stoltz was chasing me with a box cutter last night. We circled each other before I jumped him, wrestled the box cutter away and wait for it...won the fight.

HB 1, Eric Stoltz 0.

Torture

2010-08-11T19:29:00.002-04:00

I would rather watch 60 minutes of bars and tone than the 22 minutes it takes to pollute the airwaves with an episode of of Two and a Half Men.

Why does the rest of TV watching America feel differently?

Question:

2010-07-30T13:07:00.002-04:00

Why does anyone give a rat's ass about chelsea's wedding?

Texting With My BFF

2010-07-29T12:26:00.004-04:00

KB: i really want 2 meet (kathy griffin) and be bffs.

HB: am i just not good enough for you anymore? should i die my hair red and get a pap smear in times square?

KB: yes please.

HB: ok but only if you get a tattoo across your chest and start playing angry grrl folk music.

Stupid Publicity Stunts in NYC

2010-07-22T13:51:00.004-04:00

From The Daily Beast who got it from The Huffington Post:

'Starbox' to Hide Celebrity
Our bet’s on James Franco: Starting July 23, Art.party.theater.company will put a celebrity in a box in Bryant Square Park in New York City. The identity of the celebrity is currently unknown—“We invite lots of speculation about who the celebrity will be,” says Artistic Director Mary Birnbaum. Visitors will be allowed to peek in at the celebrity in the box, so long as they sign a non-disclosure release.

There just aren't any words to describe the full extent of the assinine'ness of this.

Dear Comcast:

2010-07-20T18:49:00.003-04:00

I hate you SO much, it flames. Flames, on the side of my face, breathing-breathl- heaving breaths...

I would quit you SO FAST if I had ANY OTHER OPTIONS FOR CABLE TV. You however, are a monopoly in my area and it makes me hate you EVEN MORE. I've talked to your representatives on the phone, I've chatted with them online and I even had one friendly technician come out to my apartment to help me with my cable issue. EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM PROMISED THE PROBLEM WOULD BE FIXED. Every single one of them is a liar.

I hate you so much, the hate has hate appendages waving hate flags at your hated lame ass company.

Thanks for accepting my hard earned money in return for SHITTY SERVICE.
You SUCK.

Hate,
HB

Bad News/Good News

2010-07-16T18:32:00.002-04:00

Bad News: I saw what I thought was a cockroach crawl across my floor and proceeded to destroy my bedroom. Who knew my own strength.

Good News: The floor under my bed is now germ free where I sprayed the menace with clorox and eventually killed it, the enormous dust bunnies living under there have also been annihilated and I found a dusty ear plug and the cap to a water bottle, both of which are enormously helpful in the course of absolutely nothing.

Dear Canada:

2010-01-05T14:45:00.002-05:00

Please stop blowing your arctic wind south. It hurts.

Love,
HB

Things That Scare Me

2009-12-15T14:59:00.000-05:00

Oscar the Grumblybutt...

2009-11-11T16:32:00.003-05:00

...translated from Oscar Mopperkont, the Netherlands' version of Sesame Street.

Check out Oscar's other brothers!

Unanswerable Question #1

2009-10-30T20:13:00.002-04:00

Why do so many people suck at their job?

WTHIWWY - A Letter To The Celebrities, VII

2009-10-19T22:47:00.003-04:00

A reading from the book of What The Hell Is Wrong With You?

Shakira - She Wolf official video music

Here's how the pre-production meeting for this video went:

Shakira: So I want to "dance" a new version of the robot in a one legged unitard in a pink cavernous area resembling a gigantic vagina. Then I want to writhe around in a small cage, contort my legs over my shoulders in a nude unitard so people have no issues imagining what my vagina looks like. After all, I wrote the song about wolves coming out of closets. Ok?

Production Crew: Ok!

WTHIWWY - City Life, Verse XI

2009-10-02T13:04:00.006-04:00

A reading from the book of What The Hell Is Wrong With You?:

Dear Naked Cowboy:

Please stop gathering crowds during the PM rush hour. It is extremely irritating to fight open mouthed tourists mesmerized by your creative panhandling. And by the way, you can't write NAKED across the back of your solid white underwear. It's false advertising.

Kisses,
HB

Dear Tourists Mesmerized by Naked Cowboy's Creative Panhandling:

MOVE ALONG! Have you never seen a guy in his underwear before?

I mean really.
HB

Forwards. With A Republican Kick.

2009-08-16T15:00:00.003-04:00

I just got this forward from my mom comparing 2009 with 1909. This my favorite fun fact about America's past:

**Marijuana, heroin, and morphine were all available over the counter at the local corner drugstores. Back then pharmacists said, 'Heroin clears the complexion, gives buoyancy to the mind,regulates the stomach and bowels, and is, in fact, a perfect guardian of health'**

Then I realized she received this from one of her retired republican friends, as you can guess from the psychotic added side note.

**There were about 230 reported murders in the ENTIRE U.S.A.!** (Mainly because there was a firearm of some sort in almost every home! An armed society is a POLITE society!!)

Sigh.

WTHIWWY - City Life, Verse X

2009-07-13T11:06:00.004-04:00

A reading from the book of What The Hell Is Wrong With You?:

Dear next door neighbor:

Were you bothered at all by the banging this morning? Did it sound like someone was standing in their closet, repeatedly hitting the walls with a hanger?

Good. Because that's exactly what it was. Every freaking day you wake me up by hitting the wall with something. The hangers in your closet is annoying enough, why must you hit the wall? Why? Why are you even touching that wall? I've seen the layout of your apartment. The only thing you could possibly put up against the wall we share is a dresser, so why are you HITTING it? The resentment is deepening. Despite the fact that you are an otherwise decent neighbor, a little loud at times but that's acceptable, the waking me up both at night and in the morning by hitting the wall makes me hate you. Deeply.

Please stop before I wake you up with a sledgehammer.

Thanks,
HB

Pointless Mechanical Beating Hearts Next

2009-06-25T14:27:00.004-04:00

Why is it so hard for robotic scientists to understand that making their artificial creations mimic human emotions is CREEPY?

I don't want to see a look of surprise on a moving piece of metal. I just don't. Haven't any of them seen Battlestar for frak's sake?

Dear Times Square:

2009-06-22T14:52:00.001-04:00

The trailer park called, they want their furniture back.

What's That You Say?

2009-06-16T12:01:00.003-04:00

You're looking for an incredible time suck?
You need to kill a lot of time?
You were just thinking, "I should really spend a few more hours in front of my computer, what can I do to achieve this?"?

sporcle.com

You're welcome.

I can now name every single country on earth (after taking the quizes multiple times). At least according to the sporcle map. And only in sections because I can never see what I'm missing on the world map. I'm very pleased with my slow ability to learn using the repetition method.

Good Old Boylan

2009-06-09T13:09:00.003-04:00

I hardly ever drink soda. I did today. Now I have the hiccups.

Curses!

Homeless Chic

2009-05-28T11:51:00.005-04:00

I realize that I do not have a particularly fabulous, daring or even interesting sense of style when it comes to footwear. I do however, have enough sense to not wear something that looks like long strips of used leather I found in the trash behind a motorcycle shop and then tied around my feet in a desperate attempt to cover my feet.

All I can think is someone actually made money of those when I could have found some used leather strips behind a motorcycle shop and wrapped them around this chick's feet for free. Or at least way less than what I imagine she paid for them.

'Hot For Teacher' and Other F***ed Up People Updates

2009-05-22T11:01:00.004-04:00

Letourneau celebrates her once illegal and psychologically unsound May-December romance in an unusually inappropriate way. Points for originality!

And in other news, there's an all you can eat pizza buffet at Chuck E Cheese this week! Children under 13 and adults over 30 only!!

No BukBuks For Baldwin

2009-05-18T15:30:00.004-04:00

Alec Baldwin's popularity in the Philippines has significantly decreased after his mail-order bride comment on Letterman. Philippine Sen. Ramon Revilla was a former action-movie star who has threatened violence against Baldwin if ever tries to enter the country.

I personally would love to see Baldwin get his ass kicked by Sentor Revilla.

Don't get me wrong, he's hilarious on 30 Rock. But still, an ass kicking would do him some good.

Anyone else agree?

TURN ON

2009-05-13T14:59:00.003-04:00

As per usual I'm late to the game in giving tribute to an American Icon, but better late...

Thanks for all the amazing entertainment Bea!

Flash Forward

2009-05-12T17:40:00.002-04:00

I forget how much I love overheardinnewyork.com until I have a slow work day and search for links to pass the time away. With this one, I got a glimpse of myself in a few decades:

Young woman: Do you need help crossing the street?
Elderly woman: No. It's fucking red.

--96th & Broadway

Daily Scare

2009-05-04T17:20:00.002-04:00

Why keep things in proportion when you can blow them way out and scare the living shite out of everyone who happens to read it?

Apparently there's a new end of world date: (Sorry, devastation to the human race date:) This fall. Vague enough?

WTHIWWY - City Life, Verse IX

2009-04-30T11:30:00.004-04:00

A reading from the book of What The Hell Is Wrong With You?:

Dear Pig Pen's mother:

I'm not sure if you've heard, but there's something called the swine flu going around. Yes! It's true! Right here in NYC! So I really must mention to you that repeatedly digging food out of your teeth with your fingers and wiping your nose on the back of your hand are not the safest of practices. Especially for a middle aged woman whose immune system is not that of a healthy pre-teen. While they may be acceptable habits behind the closed doors of your horribly unhygienic house, they are absolutely unacceptable on public transportation. If your intention was actually just to make me sick enough to get off one stop early, congratulations. It worked. But you just as easily could have let one go. It would have been less work for you and slightly less nauseating for me.

Invest in some toothpicks and tissues.
HB

WTHIWWY - City Life, Verse VIII

2009-04-16T10:44:00.003-04:00

A reading from the book of What The Hell Is Wrong With You?:

Dear Dunkin' Dirty:

I bought a lot of donuts from you in college. Mostly because you were the only donut shop on campus but whatever. When I moved to the city and discovered street vendor donuts I realized how much I had been missing. The cheaper, friendlier and tastier service made buying donuts a delight. I thought I would give you another chance to redeem yourself this morning. I am thoroughly unimpressed. Here are a few tips:
A) Hire people who actually pay attention to customers when they are trying to order.
B) Hire people who will return to customers their change.
C) Hire people who put a napkin in the damn bag.
What should have been my morning donut delight was instead disappointing...and dry.

Bone up Dunkin. YOUkinDO it.

A'holes.

Kisses,
HB

Things Of Note...

2009-04-09T11:27:00.003-04:00

on the way to work...

His and hers 'gauranteed' to get it up pills, plus a little female bladder control on the side.

This pizza place apparently had one too many accidents on the side of their restaurant.

Puff Puff Give, Puff Puff Give!!

WTHIWWY - City Life, Verse VII

2009-04-07T15:50:00.003-04:00

A reading from the book of What The Hell Is Wrong With You?:

Dear A-holes who take our elevator bank to go to floor 14 when it is clearly designated for floors 17 - 26:

We don't want to wait for your ass any more than you want to wait for people who need to get off on floors 2-13 in your own designated bank. Way to follow the golden rule.

BTW your hair is stupid.

Stay out of our elevators before things turn ugly.

Kisses!
HB

WTHIWWY - City Life, Verse VI

2009-04-06T12:49:00.003-04:00

A reading from the book of What The Hell Is Wrong With You?:

Dear United States Post Office-

If you are a high traffic Post Office, say one where even the automated machines are 10 people deep, here's what you should do: have more than one automated machine and designate at least one for people who know how to use it. The rest can be for the illiterate and/or inconsiderate masses that take FOREVER to mail ONE GADAM PACKAGE.

Thanks for hearing my suggestion,
HB

EARTH HOUR 2009 - MARCH 28, 8:30PM - WHEREVER YOU LIVE

2009-03-27T10:59:00.003-04:00

THIS is pretty amazing. I'm a little sad that it looked like only ONE sign was shut off in times square last year, but maybe this year will be better. GE and NBC are planning on joining, hopefully others in NYC will too...and now that I know, I'll be lighting some candles and unplugging lights! You should too!

Go Manila!

Strange Sleep Things

2009-03-26T13:16:00.003-04:00

I woke up two days ago and both my arms were asleep from the shoulder down. The blood flow back to them was kind of painful. I can understand how you might wake up with one arm asleep, having somehow placed your body weight on it while sleeping, but how is it even physically possible to have both out of commission?

This morning I woke up after dreaming about screaming at my mother for not believing me that I don't drink beer, then crying hysterically into my father's shoulder. She actually referenced a dream I had a few nights ago about food shopping with her where SHE bought beer and a few cans rolled out of the box so I put them in the bag I was carrying as proof that I DO drink beer. It was very upsetting.

What's happening? My dreams are now referencing other dreams?

So weird.

And Then I Woke Up

2009-03-18T15:04:00.003-04:00

I was walking along these futuristic train tracks, which was more like a concrete ditch that held the train about three feet off the ground, when a train appeared out of nowhere. It began to slow down but I couldn't get out of the way fast enough, so I decided to lay down in the hopes the train would pass over me without doing me harm. By the time it got to me it was practically at a stop, but it still covered my body. The conductor put the train in reverse and backed up enough to see me. He leaned out and said, "that was not a good idea." He got down from the train holding a picture.

He said, "it is very dangerous to try to lay down under a train. You know, Paris Hilton was in a train accident but she wasn't as lucky as you."

He showed me the picture of Paris and some balding middle-aged man. "She's now mentally retarded. That's how that guy was able to marry her and legally take all her millions."

I dusted myself off and tried to explain. "I'm sorry, I was just trying to get home and you came up so fast I didn't know what to do."

"Home, eh? Hop on." I boarded the train and we traveled through Tibet, which was roughly the size of the "It's A Small World" ride at Disney. I was impressed by what I saw, which in short was a small group of Tibetans standing around a market of some sort. A thought crossed my mind: I wonder how they're able to make all these beautiful crafts when it gets cold out? My fingers would freeze up! Because apparently we traveled through in 90 degree weather.

The train looped back around and set its sights for New Jersey. It was a NJTransit train after all.

GO GREEN

2009-03-13T17:07:00.003-04:00

Start throwing your crap out in space.

This picture makes me so incredibly sad.

Hapabukbukb's Lub Notes Dot Com

2009-03-09T16:02:00.004-04:00

At last, I've come up with a name for my fictitious ecard website. In case you didn't catch on, lub = love in bukbuk.
Please enjoy:

March

2009-03-03T12:04:00.002-05:00

F U lion.
Bring in the lamb. Now.

I said NOW.

18 degrees is unacceptable.

UNACCEPTABLE!

Self-Realization

2009-02-25T16:14:00.000-05:00

It has come to my attention that I could never be a soldier or a spy (as much as I day dream about it) or anything else that requires me to be more than 5 cubicles away from a bathroom, because relieving myself would trump getting the bad guy every time.

This Just In...

2009-02-23T11:53:00.001-05:00

Anne Hathaway really bugs me.

Thank you for your attention.

Ooops

2009-02-17T12:37:00.001-05:00

Paris, 1895

End Of The Rainbow Found!!

2009-02-12T12:37:00.004-05:00

However, due to the tanking economy there is no pot of gold in sight. The leprechauns' frugality could not come at a worse time. The discovery can only be described as a sad reflection of today's life and times in the US. The rainbow tragically ends on an tollroad in Southern California.

But perhaps there is still somewhere over the rainbow where blue birds fly?

Truth In Advertising

2009-02-11T10:46:00.004-05:00

Inspired by WonderTurtle's discovery of this ecard. If I had an ecard shop, here are a few I'd have as options:

Because I Care

2009-02-10T12:07:00.002-05:00

If you have not been introduced yet, I'm taking the credit.
Meet Axis of Awesome.

Can You Even Handle...

2009-02-08T19:35:00.000-05:00

The cuteness of my mom's cats?

MAX

SUZIE (aka THE BIG SNOOZE)

More Of This Please

2009-01-29T15:43:00.003-05:00

The world needs less evil, more mischief I say.
Thank you Texan hackers. Carry on.

I Got Bangs

2009-01-28T11:59:00.001-05:00

Please contain your excitement.

My Lunch

2009-01-21T12:41:00.003-05:00

How is it even possible to pack so much deliciousness into a puff?
(Bottom left. Half of one is gone. I can't even handle the deliciousness it's so delicious.)

WTHIWWY - Public Transport, Letter VI

2009-01-15T17:44:00.006-05:00

A reading from the book of What The Hell Is Wrong With You?:

Dear Rude'ee McRuderson:

When you entered the train and stood a little too close to me, I said nothing.

When you reached out your arm across and in front of my body to hold on to the pole, I said nothing.

When you bumped me for the thirtieth time with the arm that was stretched out in front of my body because you wanted to talk to your beret wearing friends and could not do so without leaning forward and therefore bumping me, I said nothing but went under your arm to stand where you should have been standing when you entered the train.

The dirty look you gave me was unwarranted and unappreciated considering you were the twat in this particular situation.

Learn some train etiquette.

And take care of that skin rash. It looked pretty nasty.

Kisses!
Hapabukbuk

Little Boy Cuteness

2009-01-12T15:11:00.002-05:00

What happens to it?

friend of a friend's son in his birthday suit

Good Times

2008-12-18T12:42:00.003-05:00

I woke up this morning to the sound of a beautiful, exotic bird chirping outside my window. I thought to myself, my goodness what kind of bird is that? It sounds lovely! I'm so glad I moved here, I can hear birds again! But wait, I don't remember there being any kind of exotic birds in this area, did I move to the jungle? Wait, where am I? What is that?

And then I came out of my semi-conscious state and realized it was a car alarm.

whoop whoop eeoouuu eeoouuu eeoouuu eeh eeh eeh.

Can you imagine how happy I am in my new apartment to have unconsciously mistaken the beep of the most irritating car alarm in existence for the tweet of an exotic bird?

Happy Sigh.

'Tis The Season...

2008-12-12T10:23:00.000-05:00

..for breakdancing at holiday parties. Allegedly.

Why I Love Sandra Bullock

2008-12-04T15:46:00.001-05:00

Three Words Review

2008-12-01T13:34:00.004-05:00

For Synedoche, New York:

What just happened?*

*I mean really Charlie Kaufman. I think I get what you were going for, but how can I be sure when you've titled your masterpiece about the meaning of life something no one can pronounce? Why didn't you just call it Sche'NoneOfYouWillGetMyMovie, New York?

WTHIWWY - A Letter To The Celebrities, VI

2008-11-25T11:46:00.003-05:00

A reading from the book of What The Hell Is Wrong With You?

Dear Ashley Simpson,

You named your son Bronx Mowgli. This is old news, but I feel still irrelevant enough to require a comment.

Is that supposed to be cute? Or is it intentionally supposed to provoke people into punching you repeatedly in the nose until even Owen Wilson's like, "whoa girl, can I take a picture so people stop talking about my shnoz?"

Can you not be annoying for like, 5 minutes?

Thanks,
HB

Say It Out Loud Vol. 7

2008-11-23T15:36:00.005-05:00

Quotable quotes from Hapabukbuk's viewing library:

Emerson Cod: A magic show?! Where did I put that rat's ass I could give?

- "Oh Oh Oh...It's magic"

I am ashamed of abc for canceling this show.

There Is Something Seriously Wrong With You...

2008-11-19T15:37:00.001-05:00

...if this song doesn't make you want to get up and dance.

Thank you Robert Randolph, and your Family Band.

Eggs and Spices

2008-11-16T12:18:00.003-05:00

Have you ever accidentally put cinnamon on your eggs because the jar looks exactly like the paprika jar you meant to grab?

I have.

It wasn't that bad.

But I'm still moving the paprika far, far away from the cinnamon.

SATC II: The Death Of Hapabukbuk

2008-11-06T10:58:00.003-05:00

Seriously. What have I done to deserve this?

Why, Hollywood, WHY? I've supported you my whole life, happily overpaying to see good movies and bad movies alike. I even saw both Cheaper By The Dozen movies! But when you force this stereotypical-archetypes-of-women franchise thinly veiled as feminist empowerment down my throat for a second time, I may have to withdraw my love.

You will feel the sting, believe me.

Vote. Do it. I Did. And It Was Great.

2008-11-04T12:19:00.003-05:00

According to Wikipedia, 122,267,553 people voted in 2004.

How many you think will come out this year?

Also, did you know that we vote on Tuesday because weekends are for whoring? (stolen from the daily show, I'll admit it)

Banned Fish Walking

2008-11-03T16:14:00.004-05:00

I'm pretty sure there is nothing scarier than a walking fish.
Especially if they look like this:

The Asian Snakehead fish attacks people and wipes out surrounding animal life wherever they stop for a swim on their trek across land. The Bush administration wants to ban the importation of them. They will go down as the administration that did one thing right.

Nice Glonous Chopstlcks

2008-10-29T13:55:00.004-04:00

Have you ever read the paper wrapper on your chopsticks?
Here is the text verbatim from my most recent wooden utensil packaging:

"Welcome to Chinese Restaurant
please try your Nice Chinese Food With Chopsticks
the traditional and typical of Chinese glonous history
and cultual.

BAMBOO CHOPSTLCKS
PRODUCT OF CHINA"

What?

2008-10-26T19:44:00.002-04:00

A quote from a news article said by a 'Jane the Teacher' about Sarah Palin:

"She represents the kind of woman that I am, not ultra feminist, but feminine," said Jill Bowling. "I feel like I can be feminine and strong at the same time."

WHAT? Please don't speak until you have learned to stop setting women back 60 years. It might also help to educate yourself on the definition of feminist.

Jackass.

You Know What Would Be Awesome?

2008-10-23T17:59:00.003-04:00

If Satan, aka my landlord, could turn on the heat.

If the apartment across the alley could get some freaking curtains so when they turned on the light it didn't also have to go on in my bedroom. (I was wrong! It's not their kitchen, it's their bedroom. Who doesn't have curtains in their bedroom?)

If I could suddenly become lactose tolerant, just like I suddenly became intolerant. I miss cheese.

If I could teleport. I would so be on a beach in Hawaii right now.

World Record Potentially Lost Due to Hungry Snack Famished Crowd

2008-10-17T14:20:00.004-04:00

Who ate my big freakin' sangwich?

(no picture due to sangwich being eaten before being photographed)

This Just In...

2008-10-15T17:18:00.003-04:00

The guy visiting the guy in the office across the hall from me does not have an inside voice. The door is closed and I can hear every word of his rant about Raiders Of The Lost Ark.

I mean really.

Inexplicable Adult Behavior

2008-10-13T12:02:00.003-04:00

"I knew I was in trouble when the old guy with the oxygen tank passed me."  – Matt Damon, joking about his recent appearance in a Miami marathon

In 2000 I ran a 5k. Or rather, I sped walked, then walked, then jiggled on jello legs until I crossed the finish line...after the 90 year old man in teeny, tiny yellow shorts. I came in 342 out of 345. Me and Matt Damon are like this.

You Betcha!

2008-10-06T12:46:00.001-04:00

Click on picture to enlarge for full debate flow effect:

Really?

2008-10-02T18:00:00.003-04:00

I couldn't help but click on it...almost 8,000 people voted.

8,000 people.

I won't even mention how unflattering those head shots are.

*sigh*

More of 'I Can See Russia From My House' Kind of Stuff

2008-09-26T13:19:00.005-04:00

Genius.

Check out her other vlogs here, I promise she will make you laugh. Even if it's only on the inside.

Maymore Ees Are Fray Ish

2008-09-22T11:41:00.003-04:00

I listened to this song about 17 times in a row this morning.

I enjoy it.

Especially her pronunciation of 'memories are fresh', which I only understood after the ninth listen through.

"Hometown Glory" - Adele

WTHIWWY - Public Transport, Letter V

2008-09-10T12:25:00.004-04:00

A reading from the book of What The Hell Is Wrong With You?:

Dear DickHead (literally):

It has been quite a while since I've had to sit next to Mr. Big Balls as I thankfully don't have to ride the shuttle anymore. However, I do still have to take the bus and this morning I met you, Mr. Big Balls' cousin, Mr. Massive Balls. As unpleasant as it was for me shoved up against the window, I can only imagine the discomfort the gargantuan package you must have causes you. Perhaps I should have apologized for taking up a quarter of the seat I first occupied completely before you sat down. I mean, it was obvious you needed to spread your legs wider than the situation was allowing you. Poor guy. Maybe next time the bus won't be so full and you can sit with relative ease on two seats, one for your puny ass and one for your enormous ego. I'll cross my fingers.

Kisses,

Hapabukbuk

Inexplicable Childhood Behavior

2008-09-08T11:30:00.002-04:00

When I was 13 I dressed up as a skunk for Halloween and went trick or treating. By myself. It was so cold I had to wear my winter jacket over the costume and my mom drove me from house to house. It took two days for the white stripe in my hair to wash out.

What.

Here's The Deal II

2008-08-27T19:12:00.003-04:00

I know I've said this before, but apparently it bears repeating.

If you are behind me in line, do not stand next to me.

Especially if you are screeching into your cell phone because apparently you only learned to use your inside voice when your mother had a massive hangover from drinking to block out the pain of rearing a child with tragic manners.

It's really f**king irritating.

Can We Discuss...

2008-08-21T10:40:00.004-04:00

...the size of this man's calves?

This cell phone picture I took this morning at the bus stop does not do it justice. I wanted to throw a quarter down by his foot for reference but I realized I couldn't really do that without him noticing something odd was going on.

He's wearing at least a size 12 shoe and the diameter of one of those things hanging off the back of his shins is at least 9 inches.

I only bring this up because every morning no matter how many people are waiting at the bus stop, when he shows apparently he has the right to board the bus first. I'm guessing it's the size of his calves that allows this.

I must start running more. Or maybe dancing. What the hell do you do to get them so big?

A 4 Day Work Week?

2008-08-20T17:00:00.002-04:00

All I have to say is, Utah, don't F it up.

Imaginary Attitude

2008-08-12T13:32:00.001-04:00

Web series anyone?
Imaginary Bitches found randomly on youtube and enjoyed.
Just passing it on.

Purposely Vs. Purposefully

2008-08-08T12:26:00.002-04:00

Main Entry: pur·pose·ly
Pronunciation: \ˈpər-pəs-fəl\-lē\
Function: adverb
Date: 15th century
1: with a purpose

Main Entry: pur·pose·fully
Pronunciation: \ˈpər-pəs-fəl\-lē\
Function: adjective
Date: 1853
1: having a purpose

Discuss.

Important Celebreality Announcement

2008-08-06T13:52:00.008-04:00

Selma Blair wants to take acid.

Welcome to 11th grade...in 1967.

*please note that although I was first alerted to this important news on imdb.com, I found an equally important forum about it on shroomery.org. God help us.

Name That Tune

2008-08-05T17:44:00.005-04:00

"Sexy motherf***er shakin' that ass, shakin' that ass, shakin' that ass
Sexy motherf***er shakin' that ass, shakin' that ass, shakin' that ass"

If you've never heard it and guessed "shakin' that ass" you'd be wrong.

But what I really want to say is listening to this song while walking down the street, my ass-kicking count definitely went up.

Kids Today

2008-07-29T14:30:00.003-04:00

My roommate's sister's intern just turned 21. He bought everyone drinks on his father's credit card. He doesn't know who Estelle Getty is.

I feel a deep, burning shame for him.

The Truth Hurts

2008-07-23T13:36:00.005-04:00

I like to think of myself as an "all powerful amazon warrior (not just some sniveling girl)" but after walking down the street yesterday and sizing myself up against all the people I passed, I had a surprisingly low ass-kicking count.

Ouch.

Sand Art

2008-07-21T16:26:00.001-04:00

Here is my masterpiece:

C'mon, you know want to make one too. For those who need a little help, click the little grey box.