Keep Your Forehead to Yourself!

what is it about me that makes people feel safe to act crazy around me? and by crazy i mean invading my personal space with whatever it is they feel the need to say/do/show to me.

i went out to dinner with a couple of friends one night and halfway through our delicious spanish meal i felt someone place their head against the back of mine. figuring it was one of my friends who had gotten up without my noticing, i didn't move. perhaps i just didn't want to turn around for fear it wasn't a friend. either way, i silently sat there frozen, uncertain of what was about to happen.

"your hair looks better down," came a breathy voice, one i didn't recognize and didn't particularly enjoy feeling on the back of my neck.

um. what? ogad. what's happening? what do i do? help! ogad.

"just thought you should know." he lifted his head off of the back of mine and i turned to see what creature had simultaneously violated my head, my ears and any sense of safety i might have had in pulling my hair back to eat. there standing before me was a middle-aged man, with his wife, dressed in a silver and blue track suit, aviator sunglasses and a cheshire grin that made me want to shower immediately.

he then walked out, clearly happy with his decision to let me know his opinion about my hair, and all i could do was wish i was bald.

my friends asked, "do you know that guy?"

i found enough of my voice to snark, "you mean the guy in the track suit that just molested me with his forehead? aiee, i have to go to the bathroom."