Open Letter To My Landlord (A Very Special WTHIWWY)
(A reading from the book of What The Hell Is Wrong With You?:)
Dear Jerk:
So I see you got the fountain to work. Thank Goodness. I was beginning to worry that strangers passing and tenants alike would never again be able to enjoy the pointless gravitational pull of channeled water behind a large bush in front of our building. It would be such a shame if my kitchen ceiling continued to leak AND the fountain was out of order. My heart couldn't take both life affecting problems at once.
And I don't think I ever thanked you for the renovation of the railing out front either. Changing the color from red to black with brass accents was brilliant. It even matches the number plate you were finally able to find to nail to the front door! Impressive! Now people won't have to call to find out which building I live in when they are standing just outside, frantically looking for a number that's not there.
I also love the little apartment number you nailed outside my door, so low and off to the side I didn't even notice it was there until a sock fell out of my laundry basket and I bent over to retrieve it. Very subtle.
Oh! And the stripes! Fantastic idea if I do say so myself. There is no better color combination than red, yellow and grey, and to paint it over the original 19th century molding? Genius.
I know I speak for all the other tenants in the building when I say thank you for addressing the exterior building issues of our place of living before the interior ones. The beautiful flowers, soothing fountain and gorgeous hallway paint job make us want to live here forever, despite the few plumbing, electrical, structural, etc. problems I know we all suffer. To the outside world we must appear to live like royalty. Even the housing authority must think so despite the many, many charges against you! So thank you for that! Bravo!!
If you are wondering what that smell is, it's the bag of dog poop I lit on fire and left outside your door in thanks.
Your biggest fan,
Hapabukbuk
Dear Jerk:
So I see you got the fountain to work. Thank Goodness. I was beginning to worry that strangers passing and tenants alike would never again be able to enjoy the pointless gravitational pull of channeled water behind a large bush in front of our building. It would be such a shame if my kitchen ceiling continued to leak AND the fountain was out of order. My heart couldn't take both life affecting problems at once.
And I don't think I ever thanked you for the renovation of the railing out front either. Changing the color from red to black with brass accents was brilliant. It even matches the number plate you were finally able to find to nail to the front door! Impressive! Now people won't have to call to find out which building I live in when they are standing just outside, frantically looking for a number that's not there.
I also love the little apartment number you nailed outside my door, so low and off to the side I didn't even notice it was there until a sock fell out of my laundry basket and I bent over to retrieve it. Very subtle.
Oh! And the stripes! Fantastic idea if I do say so myself. There is no better color combination than red, yellow and grey, and to paint it over the original 19th century molding? Genius.
I know I speak for all the other tenants in the building when I say thank you for addressing the exterior building issues of our place of living before the interior ones. The beautiful flowers, soothing fountain and gorgeous hallway paint job make us want to live here forever, despite the few plumbing, electrical, structural, etc. problems I know we all suffer. To the outside world we must appear to live like royalty. Even the housing authority must think so despite the many, many charges against you! So thank you for that! Bravo!!
If you are wondering what that smell is, it's the bag of dog poop I lit on fire and left outside your door in thanks.
Your biggest fan,
Hapabukbuk
Labels: what the hell is wrong with you?
posted by hapabukbuk at
7:36 PM
3 Comments:
I loved the sock thing, maybe it could get caught on the number as it falls from the basket? My favourite colours are red, yellow and gravy which my brain said before it re-said grey.
By
Dale, At
10:20 AM
I'm all for that bag-outside-the-door trick. Have you ever tried egging?
By
Coaster Punchman, At
12:40 PM
I miss you.
ps. I love gravy too.
By
wonderturtle, At
12:43 PM
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home