Rules Of Conduct At A Sold Out General Admission Concert

If you don’t have enough of your drug of choice to share with the rest of the crowd, you can’t have any either.

If you have a bag and insist on wearing it, recognize when you are jabbing someone in the side with it and shift your positioning.

If you are attending a concert where the point is to hear the music, don’t talk.

If you manage to push your way through the crowd to stand directly in front of people who’ve been standing there for an hour already, don’t offer to go back to where you just came from because you overheard someone say who invited Avril Levine? and want them to feel bad about it.

If you do manage to ingest something mind altering, please keep enough wits about yourself to avoid constantly invading other sober people’s personal space. Flailing your arms and head around when no one else in the entire venue is joining your mosh pit of one will earn you hate. Lots of hate.

If you dance like an assh*le, arms and head flailing, don’t curl your hands into fists and pretend to punch someone when they respond to the loud, talking people that asked what your problem is that she’d like to knock you upside the head the next time you throw your head back in some kind of chemical haze.

If you’re the guy whose job it is to sell beer during the concert and have to push back and forth through the crowd, pick a different route each time. The same people will not buy from you if you just passed them five minutes ago.

Failure to comply with any of these rules grants the people in your immediate vicinity the right to slap you silly, or until you sober up enough to apologize for your selfish behavior. Whichever comes first.