WTHIWWY - (Preface) Big Ego, Small Package

A reading from the book of What The Hell Is Wrong With You?:

Like many people in large cities, I have the indescribable pleasure of commuting to work in a shuttle. The company I work for, however, intentionally uses the term shuttle to mislead you into thinking it will be a somewhat comfortable vehicle that a group of professional adults can ride in with dignity. This is in fact, only the tip of the lying, greedy, unconscionable corporate iceberg. In reality, we are forced to pack ourselves into a 14-seater, shocksless passenger van, which we are required to pay for using a small plastic card. A small plastic card that charges a fee to use, mind you.

All of those indignities aside, today I was lucky enough to sit next to Mr. Big Balls. It is one thing to have long legs, it is quite another to sit diagonally with your legs wide open for no reason other than to mask your insecurity about the size of your tiny package. Had it been just the two of us, this would not have been an issue, but a third person needed to sit on the three-person bench with us. This is only possible for three adults when they share the area equally and respect each other’s space. Apparently Mr. Big Balls did not feel the need to follow this general guideline of common courtesy, so when I slid over to make room for the new person, he didn’t budge. He didn’t even move his leg, which would have been in my lap if I hadn’t shifted to sit diagonally myself.

So thanks Mr. Big Balls, for making my morning commute that much more pleasant. The only thing I can hope for you now is that a man with a bigger insecurity about the size of his tiny package, or even perhaps a man with an actual big package, sits next to you this evening and makes you sit sideways in your seat for your stand still, traffic-laden commute home.