Satan's Rules of Use

For whatever reason, Satan just does not want me in his rest room. He is trying to drive me out by implementing these rules about how and when I can use each facility, and reprimanding me when I fail to follow them.

The sink can only be used after high noon and the cold water must run first or the deal’s off. Before that time or if hot water is used first, the water smells like death and should probably not touch bare human skin nor be ingested.

The toilet can only be used whenever he feels like letting me use it. There is no set time, therefore I always get it wrong. In payment, it leaks. Constantly.

The shower has the least amount of restrictions, but I am fearfully awaiting the day that changes. Lately the pipes have been rattling when the shower is turned on.

Using the shower as a bathtub however, has the most irritating rules, which I am sure he created while bored and in need of entertainment. When the tub is filled, it is perfectly acceptable to sit in it. However, if you try to lean back in order to make yourself comfortable and not leave your arms and shoulders exposed to the freezing cold bathroom air, the tub begins to drain. Sit back up and it stops draining. The plug never moves. It’s just Satan’s little joke. Funny man. Real funny.

How do I exorcise my bathroom??