The Key To Life...

...is breaking the lock. Repeatedly.


There are two doorways that comprise the entrance to my apartment building. The first leads you to a little area where the mailboxes are and the second leads you into the actual building. When I first moved in the second door was permanently propped open, despite the key I (as well as everyone else I assumed) was given to open it. I live in a pretty safe neighborhood so at first it didn't bother me. But after a while I decided it was just short of an invitation for trouble, so one night I removed the permanent prop.

After a few days of an anonymous war, the door stayed closed.

That is until one day, a brute that inhabits the building apparently didn't have their key and pretty much ripped the lock out of the door. Completely. So that the door knob also fell to the floor where it remained for about a year and a half. But at least the door wasn't propped open, I told myself.

Then one evening a drunk frat boy collapsed at the bottom of the stairs and yelled for his friend to come down. For about an hour. I'm guessing it would have been longer if someone hadn't called the cops to remove him from the premises.

cop: who are you here to see?
drunk frat boy: my fren. adammm.
cop: adam who? does he live here?
drunk frat boy: no steeeevve. he's...he's here.
cop: what's your name son?
drunk frat boy: adam.
cop:...
drunk frat boy: no brandon. my name issss brandah....

And then the homeless man moved in. I don't blame him, it's warm by the giant heater in the basement, but really, if I have to pay as much as I do for this sh*thole so should he. Especially when he's warmer than I am and I literally live above the heater. Apparently having the cops kick him out didn't deter him. He came back multiple times.

Only after a few more hundred complaints did my landlord decide to fix the door. A pleasant little note went up on the exact same door he was going to fix, right next to the note from the water company telling him that the water for the building would be shut off if he didn't pay his delinquent bill. It said, "be sure to get your new key because a new lock will be installed Friday."

Yeah thanks.

Two days later, the brute pulled the door knob off the door. If you had the key, you could still open the door to get inside but if you were inside trying to get out, you were out of luck. It was soon propped open. Strangely enough, the door knob was fixed in record time: three days later by mid-afternoon.

That same evening the door knob was on the floor again, where it has remained for weeks.

Seriously? How hard is it to a) install a lock in a door and b) use it like a human being?