My Mom's Cooler Than Shakespeare

My mother has a saying for everything. And I’m not talking the regular clichés a lot of moms use. She used those too, but these unique sayings brand her like the megalocorporations can only dream. I’m sure other people may know them, or have heard people use them, but for me? It’s all my mom. The good thing about it is when I hear them fall from my lips it is a clear warning sign that I am becoming just like her.

Without fail every single time she took me anywhere when I was a child this is what she said:
Mom: Put on your shoes, we’re going out.
Me: Where we goin’?
Mom: To be a chocolate soldier.

Occassionally it was to Timbuktu.

Even today thinking about that response frustrates me. She never gave it up either. I had to wait until we pulled into whatever parking lot of whatever place we were going before I found out. Explains a lot about my impatience.

I IMed her yesterday and another one of my favorites was used:

Me: Good news! I got my vacation days! I’m coming to visit!
Mom: I’m so happy I could shit a cupcake!

Gigglefritz, tizzylish, sexpot, shrimpboats, piggywoggles, clodhoppers, skinnybalink.
I wish I could think of more, but I’m blanking. I got up too early this morning.

My mom rocks.