A Short Story

My building has two apartments on each floor, one in the front labeled F and one in the rear labeled R. I live on the first floor in the front. One day I notice someone taped a note to the front door: keys found, pick them up in 2R. The next evening there is a knock on my door. It's one of the neanderthals that live upstairs.

"Hello?"
"Hey uh yeah, do you have my keys?" he asks.
He's referring to the note on the door. What a jackass, I think. "No."
"Oh, uh, are you F or R?"
JackASS. "F."
"Oh, and uh, is this one or two?"
OmyGOD tell me he's kidding. "This is one." You jackass.
"Oman I'm an idiot," he says and turns to walk up the stairs.
No kidding.

I found out from my roommate later that he was trying to break the lock on the front door the day before because he forgot his keys.

I believe the name calling is totally called for.