Truly Outrageous

Like most children I sought answers about the world from my parents and never once questioned their explanations. Why is the sky blue? How come Danny is so mean to me? Where do babies come from?

The answer to one of my questions in particular has stuck with me. The phenomenon of rain was explained with the following:

“The Angels in heaven have ducks, and every time it rains they make their ducks cry.”

My Mother’s selective memory refuses to acknowledge certain details of my and my brothers' youths, and she fiercely denies telling me this. But I know that despite my expansive imagination and blossoming creativity, I was not good enough to come up with something like that.

There is a possibility that when I asked how the Angels cried she answered with tear ducts. To a six year old that clearly meant ducks with tears. Either way, it's her fault I'm weird.


To this day the sight of rain brings back childhood imagery that if printed in a book would get me placed in some kind of institution. The Angels are lined up like an army, shoulder to shoulder with medium sized wings way too small to carry their actual weight, wearing shapeless white robes. Each holds before him or her a huge yellow duck. To create the rain, the Angel must pull a small tuft of feathers on the ducks head so that it will cry.

I also believed all I saw on television, namely that Jem! truly was outrageous. If only my world could be divided between The Holograms and The Misfits (whose songs are better, they are the misfits, and they're gonna get her).