Escargot Is Unacceptable

Fact: I cannot handle worms. Or anything else slimy and blob-like, i.e. snails

I can’t see them, I can’t touch them, I don’t even like to move them with my shoe. I have an incredibly strong gag reflex to the entire Annelid and most of the Mollusca phyla in the Animal kingdom. Except maybe inchworms. And only the itty, bitty green ones at that.

I want to be cremated because I am completely nauseated by the thought of maggots.

Even this makes me uncomfortable:

Yesterday I braved the bay waters with Angel, White Lightening and White Lightening’s mom to collect a few clams. The shallow part was absolutely covered with snails, which I actually didn’t realize until I started digging and the little black dots began to move. Immediately I jumped up, stifled a scream and looked around to see if anyone saw. Thankfully they were all too busy not being freaks to notice.

I took a deep breath, told myself to stop being foolish and tried again, but as soon as I pulled away more sand I felt something crawling on my foot. Up out of the water I popped again, only this time there were so many black dots around I imagined everything I stepped on or kicked up was a snail and I almost fell over backward.

I was about to give up when I spotted a place that seemed to have fewer snails. Taking another step to ensure my snail free zone, I wiped away the sand before kneeling down. Pulling the sand to my right, it was only a matter of moments before the pile began to bury my leg which in turn left my thigh wide open for a snail to attach itself.

I’m pretty sure I broke the reality/cartoon barrier when I ran so fast it took my bathing suit a few seconds to catch up.

What? I don’t do worms. Or anything else slimy and blob-like.