Rules Of Conduct On An Overcrowded Bus Caught In Bumper To Bumper Traffic

-When, after the doors close, a ridiculous high pitched siren goes off and a MTA official asks that five people disembark because there is too much weight, if you are one of the last five people to embark, Get. Off. The. Bus. It's that simple.

-Do not bang on the window and demand the A/C be turned on because you are hot. Obviously the driver would have turned it on if it was working.

-In addition, do not open the emergency exit because it's hot and then yell at the driver "not to drive a broken bus" when he makes you close it for your own safety.

-If you are fortunate enough to get a seat, do not think that because you close your eyes the people standing in front of you magically disappear. When you shift in your seat and swing your foot forward you will kick someone.

-In addtion, if you decide to take a nap and somehow naturally assume the crash position, do not think the people standing will always be nice enough to allow you the space to do so by inching backwards.

-If you are standing and the person seated before you falls asleep in a crash position, do not inch backwards. There is someone standing there. Just wake his ass up.

-In addition, if you are standing do not hold your arms akimbo. There's no f'ing space for that.

-In addtion to that addition, do not flip your long ass/curly ass hair around. It's 98 degrees in a bus that's not moving, chances are you're going to look like shit when you get where you're going anyway.

-If your girlfriend is standing behind you, do not turn around backwards to face her and then sway. There is someone now standing the proper way behind you who doesn't appreciate being bumped every thirty seconds.

-If you're a cute guy in a grey hat, look at someone when they're lusting after you.