Once One, Always One?
Is being a thief like being an alcoholic?
“Even when they’re dry as my lips for years. Even when they’re stranded on a small desert island with no place within 2000 miles to buy beer.” –Ani D.
I have stolen exactly two things in my entire life. The first was a little rubber ball from a gumball type quarter machine when I was ten. It didn’t occur to me that I had committed a crime until I showed my mother and she asked if I had paid for it. I shook my head no and she said, “Well then you stole it.” I spent the next ten minutes guiltily trying to shove the ball back up into the machine.
The second was a martini glass from a bar I went to a few years ago on a day that I was angry. I was just so angry. The decision to wipe the glass dry and slip it into my purse was intentional and clear headed. The drink was overpriced anyway so I figured we were even, me and bar. I feel no guilt over this one.
According to Merriam-Webster Online a thief is: one that steals especially stealthily or secretly; also: one who commits theft or larceny.
I choose to use the former definition as it is in present tense and therefore no longer applies to me. I’ll sleep better.
“Even when they’re dry as my lips for years. Even when they’re stranded on a small desert island with no place within 2000 miles to buy beer.” –Ani D.
I have stolen exactly two things in my entire life. The first was a little rubber ball from a gumball type quarter machine when I was ten. It didn’t occur to me that I had committed a crime until I showed my mother and she asked if I had paid for it. I shook my head no and she said, “Well then you stole it.” I spent the next ten minutes guiltily trying to shove the ball back up into the machine.
The second was a martini glass from a bar I went to a few years ago on a day that I was angry. I was just so angry. The decision to wipe the glass dry and slip it into my purse was intentional and clear headed. The drink was overpriced anyway so I figured we were even, me and bar. I feel no guilt over this one.
According to Merriam-Webster Online a thief is: one that steals especially stealthily or secretly; also: one who commits theft or larceny.
I choose to use the former definition as it is in present tense and therefore no longer applies to me. I’ll sleep better.
posted by hapabukbuk at
10:40 AM
2 Comments:
You know you have a problem if you shove a set of 4 matching pint glasses into your backpack so that you may keep them chilled in your own freezer for the guests. And by guests I mean yourself and your small handful of beer-loving personalities.
By
Unknown, At
12:29 PM
I stole a small plastic fan from a crafts/hardware store when I was small, and cherished it like a Faberge egg. I think I thought that if anyone saw it, they would KNOW. I may still think that.
By
wonderturtle, At
6:57 PM
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home