Say It Out Loud Vol. 3

Quotable quotes from Hapabukbuk's viewing library:

Perry: Joining us then there Bob?
Bob: What? There was a line. I assumed it had something to do with cupcakes.

-My Own Personal Hell

Wheel of Hapabukbuktune

Wonderturtle knows I can't resist a good Tarot Card reading:

You are The Wheel of Fortune

Good fortune and happiness but sometimes a species of
intoxication with success

The Wheel of Fortune is all about big things, luck, change, fortune. Almost always good fortune. You are lucky in all things that you do and happy with the things that come to you. Be careful that success does not go to your head however. Sometimes luck can change.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

H.P.

Damn You.

WTHIWWY - City Life, Verse V

A reading from the book of What The Hell Is Wrong With You?:

Dear sandwich maker:
I apologize if I seemed confused or perhaps unable to hear what you were asking among all the shouting of the other 20 people crammed into the store. However, your response to my telling you what I ordered and therefore what I needed to pay for did not require you to bark "meal" repeatedly at me. If I wanted a f*king meal I would have asked for a f*king meal. Your sunshiney disposition has certainly brightened my day.
Thank you,
HB

What's It Like?

What's it like to shower for days after there is a water main break in the next town over you ask?

It's like standing beneath a weak stream of water that first passes through the hair of a shaggy dog as well as a gigantic flower pot full of dirt.

What Makes You Think...

that I won't cutchoo?

HB Simpson inspired by CS and Bella Rossa

Will You Be My Friend?

I've been asked this question directly twice, excluding online 'see how many people you can rack up' requests of course. It is a simple yes or no question granted, but both times I was unsure of what to say.


Once was a cop moonlighting as a security guard in a building where I was temping. The woman who was supposed to give the front desk my name forgot so I had to wait for someone to come down and get me. There happened to be a giant party that day so no one was answering their phone. In the meantime, this guy who introduced himself as Angel began talking to me. When he asked me if I wanted to be friends I honestly didn't hear him. He was a little offended and asked why not when I didn't answer. I said, why not what? He said, be friends. Why is everyone so afraid of cops? I assured him I was not afraid and after a pause relented to being his friend, so long as it didn't require me giving him my number and meeting up with him later. It was awkward but he actually wasn't creepy so it was ok.

The more memorable request occurred while I was in college and sounded something like this:

...ring, ring...
HB: hello?
M: hi (pause) is HB there?
HB: this is her.
M: hi. um...this is matt somethingorother (pause) i have class with you. 155?
HB: yes, matt. hi.
M: hi. (pause)
HB: so...
M: so...what are you doing?
HB: i'm sorry?
M: (pause) are you busy?
HB: matt can i ask why you are calling?
M: um (long pause) do you want to be my friend?
HB: o wow my dinner is boiling over, I really have to go, I'm sorry- I'll see you in class I can't talk I'm sorry...click

HB: (to self) no way that just happened.

Oddly enough, my incredibly compassionate response did not deter him from his plight. He called again another day and my roommate answered, who by now had heard the whole story. I was in the room freaking out about first him calling again and second what she was saying to him.

..ring, ring...
Roomie: hello?
M: hi (pause) is HB there?
Roomie: who's calling?
M: (pause) this is matt somethingorother (pause) i have class with her.
Roomie: hi matt (my eyes grow very big) HB isn't home right now can I take a message?
M: (pause) um...i have class with her and i wanted to know if she wanted to be friends.
Roomie: matt can i be honest with you?
M: (no response)
Roomie: you really can't just call people up and ask to be their friend. it doesn't work like that.
M: (pause) well how does it work?
Roomie: it has to happen naturally.
M: (pause) but what do i do then?
Roomie: i don't know. you chat with people in class, maybe see if you have the same interests and meet after class. it just develops.
M: (pause) will you be my friend?
Roomie: what did i just tell you?
M: i don't know what to do. i've tried everything.
Roomie: i'm sorry matt. you'll find a friend soon. just let it happen. don't try so hard.
M: ok. bye.
Roomie: bye.
click

I felt extremely bad for him, being that socially inept must be harshly isolating, but really, how does one make it to 19 and not have at least an idea about how to relate to others?

Missed Connections W4M

To the elderly man wearing the red tank top that had garfield saying It's hard to be a superstar on 39th street: Indeed sir it is. Let's have lunch.

To the man that sits on the needle statue in the fashion district smoking and drinking coffee: What do you do? You are out there sitting every single morning no matter what time I happen to pass, just smoking and drinking, smoking and drinking. Maybe one day I'll stop and you can tell me about it. Over coffee and a cigarette.

To the man wearing the black polo shirt with a reindeer on it in the middle of a heat wave in NYC who gave me a dirty look for absolutely no reason as he walked by: You wanna go? I will fitechoo.

To the guy wearing a Wanna go home with me? t-shirt that I would ordinarily find utterly obnoxious but because you were unusually good looking: Yes.

What Makes You Think...

that I won't cutchoo?

*M&M creation inspired by Lulu

Obsession II

Here is another round of addictive songs I benevolently pass on to anyone who will listen...

Kate Havnevik "Unlike Me"

Hooverphonic "Mad About You"

Goldfrapp "Human"

The Cardigans "My Favorite Game"

Brandi Carlie "Turpentine"

Jenny Owen Youngs "F**k Was I"

Toby Lightman "Holding Me Down"

Beth Wood "Church of Melody"

Metric "Monster Hospital"

Jenny Lewis "Rise Up With Fists"