Mom: What are you up to this weekend? HB: Going hiking in the park with Wonderturtle. Mom: BE CAREFUL! HB: What, do you think a bear's going to get me? Mom: Parks are where people go missing. HB: Alrighty then.
My building has two apartments on each floor, one in the front labeled F and one in the rear labeled R. I live on the first floor in the front. One day I notice someone taped a note to the front door: keys found, pick them up in 2R. The next evening there is a knock on my door. It's one of the neanderthals that live upstairs.
"Hello?" "Hey uh yeah, do you have my keys?" he asks. He's referring to the note on the door. What a jackass, I think. "No." "Oh, uh, are you F or R?" JackASS. "F." "Oh, and uh, is this one or two?" OmyGOD tell me he's kidding. "This is one." You jackass. "Oman I'm an idiot," he says and turns to walk up the stairs. No kidding.
I found out from my roommate later that he was trying to break the lock on the front door the day before because he forgot his keys.
Clearly needed the money. But AT&T? I mean really, Meatloaf & Tiffany?
Here's how that meeting went:
1 board room, 4 adjunkies.
1: C'mon you guys we've been at this for hours. We need something fresh! 2: A phone shaped car! 4: A woman walks along and it's raining phones! 3: Hold it. I got it. Listen up, this is golden. We get an aged rocker, past his prime and a kid that looks just like his son. They scream-sing about getting a gophone. 2: Oh! Oh! And then, we can have an older chick popstar play his mom, someone like...Tiffany! 4: Yes! And she can be carrying a huge slab of raw meat while also singing about the gophone! 1: I think you guys are on to something... 3: MEATLOAF! You see how I did that? Slab of meat, meatloaf. Genius. 2: And we're done.
Margaret and Josh knew it was forbidden. They were cousins! They were blood! Sort of. But they couldn't help it and funny-hat-ping-pong was the only way they could be close to one another without anyone suspecting. Even Sparky didn't notice and he knew the deepest , darkest secrets about everyone. Even Uncle Henry. He wasn't smiling just because he was enjoying the funny-hat-ping-pong match.