WTHIWWY - A Letter To The Celebrities, VI

A reading from the book of What The Hell Is Wrong With You?

Dear Ashley Simpson,

You named your son Bronx Mowgli. This is old news, but I feel still irrelevant enough to require a comment.

Is that supposed to be cute? Or is it intentionally supposed to provoke people into punching you repeatedly in the nose until even Owen Wilson's like, "whoa girl, can I take a picture so people stop talking about my shnoz?"

Can you not be annoying for like, 5 minutes?

Thanks,
HB

Important Celebreality Announcement

Selma Blair wants to take acid.


Welcome to 11th grade...in 1967.

*please note that although I was first alerted to this important news on imdb.com, I found an equally important forum about it on shroomery.org. God help us.

Anyone? Anyone?

I came across this on the front page of youtube. I realize that by posting this I am in a way promoting it, but I just need someone to answer me why/how it came to be. Then I also found out it's a cover of a Tom Wait's song and I had to go cry in a corner. I feel broken. Or maybe it's just my eardrums.

Meatloaf & Tiffany

Clearly needed the money. But AT&T? I mean really, Meatloaf & Tiffany?



Here's how that meeting went:

1 board room, 4 adjunkies.

1: C'mon you guys we've been at this for hours. We need something fresh!
2: A phone shaped car!
4: A woman walks along and it's raining phones!
3: Hold it. I got it. Listen up, this is golden. We get an aged rocker, past his prime and a kid that looks just like his son. They scream-sing about getting a gophone.
2: Oh! Oh! And then, we can have an older chick popstar play his mom, someone like...Tiffany!
4: Yes! And she can be carrying a huge slab of raw meat while also singing about the gophone!
1: I think you guys are on to something...
3: MEATLOAF! You see how I did that? Slab of meat, meatloaf. Genius.
2: And we're done.

Coachella 2008

Who's not drunk in this picture?

You Know What I Was Just Thinking?

I was just thinking, you know who could really help me out with my depression?

Jim Carrey.

Actor Jim Carrey is writing a self-help book for sufferers of depression who want to avoid using drugs to beat the condition. The Fun With Dick And Jane star battled with depression for years after his meteoric rise to fame in the 1990s, using Prozac and other medication to try and control his dark thoughts. But the 46-year-old states numbing the pain with medication is not the way to deal with the problem, and hopes his new book will help people focus on where their problems stem from...

Sweet.

Sometimes It Hurts To Be American (Good Thing I'm Only Half)

The LAST thing I want to do is promote anything Paris Hilton is involved in, but I cannot let this go without commenting.

Paris Hilton will headline an upcoming reality series on MTV called Paris Hilton's My New BFF, which will feature the socialite in the search of a new best friend. Twenty potential "best friends" will live in a house together, competing for her affection and trying to prove their loyalty. Ten episodes have been ordered.

I could say things like WHY? and Proof of the dumbing of America! and Sweet Sassy Molassy!! But instead I'm just going to say: vomit.

Because that's what this whole idea inspires in me.

Speaking of Irrelevant People No One Cares About...

Hollywood star Tori Spelling has started work on a tell-all memoir in a bid to set the record straight about the events of her life....And the 34-year-old insists the details divulged in the book may even shock her actor husband Dean McDermott: "Nobody's read it! Not even Dean!"

Thank Gawd.

I was so worried I'd never know the truth.

Whooooo's Watching?

Bertinelli's Ups & Downs


The delightful Valerie Bertinelli stops by with an honest, open and humorous look at her public weight gain and loss. CNN, Tonight, 9 ET

--------Update--------

Seriously, if this doesn't sell you, nothing will:

Eddie Van Halen's ex-wife Valerie Bertinelli once romanced movie mogul Steven Spielberg. In an upcoming interview with talk show host Oprah Winfrey, the TV star-turned-weight-loss spokeswoman opens up about dating the director. Bertinelli reveals Spielberg asked her out after she auditioned for his blockbuster Raiders Of The Lost Ark. She says, "I was so wrong for (the role) and the next day I got a call and some flowers... (Spielberg) asked me out. We went out a few times." The actress and Jenny Craig spokeswoman even suggests the romance was more than dinner and flowers, telling Winfrey, "(We) did more." But the romance didn't last - Bertinelli fell for Van Halen and Spielberg wed actress Amy Irving. He has since divorced and is now married to Kate Capshaw. In the interview, which airs on Oprah on Monday, Bertinelli, who is promoting new autobiography Losing It... And Gaining My Life Back One Pound At A Time, also speaks out about cheating on her ex-husband and a lusty lesbian moment, when she kissed another woman.

She "did more" with Spielberg and she kissed a girl?!

Scandalous!

In other news, Valerie's Sweet Sixteen party last week was a blast!