Musings of a Hapabukbuk

Thursday, April 30, 2009

WTHIWWY - City Life, Verse IX

A reading from the book of What The Hell Is Wrong With You?:

Dear Pig Pen's mother:

I'm not sure if you've heard, but there's something called the swine flu going around. Yes! It's true! Right here in NYC! So I really must mention to you that repeatedly digging food out of your teeth with your fingers and wiping your nose on the back of your hand are not the safest of practices. Especially for a middle aged woman whose immune system is not that of a healthy pre-teen. While they may be acceptable habits behind the closed doors of your horribly unhygienic house, they are absolutely unacceptable on public transportation. If your intention was actually just to make me sick enough to get off one stop early, congratulations. It worked. But you just as easily could have let one go. It would have been less work for you and slightly less nauseating for me.

Invest in some toothpicks and tissues.


Thursday, April 16, 2009

WTHIWWY - City Life, Verse VIII

A reading from the book of What The Hell Is Wrong With You?:

Dear Dunkin' Dirty:

I bought a lot of donuts from you in college. Mostly because you were the only donut shop on campus but whatever. When I moved to the city and discovered street vendor donuts I realized how much I had been missing. The cheaper, friendlier and tastier service made buying donuts a delight. I thought I would give you another chance to redeem yourself this morning. I am thoroughly unimpressed. Here are a few tips:
A) Hire people who actually pay attention to customers when they are trying to order.
B) Hire people who will return to customers their change.
C) Hire people who put a napkin in the damn bag.
What should have been my morning donut delight was instead disappointing...and dry.

Bone up Dunkin. YOUkinDO it.




Thursday, April 09, 2009

Things Of Note...

on the way to work...

His and hers 'gauranteed' to get it up pills, plus a little female bladder control on the side.

This pizza place apparently had one too many accidents on the side of their restaurant.

Puff Puff Give, Puff Puff Give!!

Tuesday, April 07, 2009

WTHIWWY - City Life, Verse VII

A reading from the book of What The Hell Is Wrong With You?:

Dear A-holes who take our elevator bank to go to floor 14 when it is clearly designated for floors 17 - 26:

We don't want to wait for your ass any more than you want to wait for people who need to get off on floors 2-13 in your own designated bank. Way to follow the golden rule.

BTW your hair is stupid.

Stay out of our elevators before things turn ugly.



Monday, April 06, 2009

WTHIWWY - City Life, Verse VI

A reading from the book of What The Hell Is Wrong With You?:

Dear United States Post Office-

If you are a high traffic Post Office, say one where even the automated machines are 10 people deep, here's what you should do: have more than one automated machine and designate at least one for people who know how to use it. The rest can be for the illiterate and/or inconsiderate masses that take FOREVER to mail ONE GADAM PACKAGE.

Thanks for hearing my suggestion,