Not So Gouda For Me

I hit my cheese intake limit today.

Not the best idea I've ever had.

Things I May Tell My Potential Future Children

Sometimes your mom can be a big, fat jerk, and will probably mess you up somehow so that you don't realize it until you're an adult.

You can't say I never warned you.

People I Would Totally Make Friends With Solely Based On What They Do And How I Could Benefit From It

In no particular order:

1. Chef
2. Casting Director
3. Book Editor
4. Financial Guru
5. Doctor

Etiquette Shmetiquette

What's better than eating yogurt with a plastic knife?

Nothing.

Unless of course you are comparing it to eating cookies with a spoon.

5 Things I Wouldn’t Mind Never Seeing Again

-Paris Hilton
-That aqua winter jacket I bought last season (What was I thinking?)
-A can of black beans gone bad
-Some guy’s back hair peeking up out of his shirt
-That lamisil commercial with the animated fungus character

When I Grow Up I’ll Be…

a) Stable
b) Rich
c) Yearning to be stable and rich
d) The first Hapabukbuk host of a Hollywood obsessed clip show


Other ‘grown up’ scenarios considered:

Acrobat – until I realized 50 actual feet off the ground is a lot different from 50 imaginary feet.

Actress- hmmm, still kinda harbor this one sometimes.

Marine Biologist- until I realized you had to know more than you just like dolphins.

Architect – for about a month until I realized you had to be math smart.

Fiction Writer– until I realized an English degree can’t get you a full time job with benefits and paid vacation. However, also still harbored.

Bad Karma, But I'm Sayin' It Anyway

I attended a concert last night with some friends. I stood for 4 hours, swaying between the tallest man in the room and the second tallest man in the room in order to see, and stayed up way past my bedtime. I am officially old.

Here is the write up:

(Preface: I do not condone the mocking of other musicians because a) it’s rude and b) being a pseudo-musician myself I must apply the golden rule though I know it hardly ever stands. That said, I will now render this preface moot...maybe my second review will balance it out...)

Opening Act: Name I already can’t remember

Irritating Bob Dylan-esque voice but only ¼ as talented…with a side of boring.

Headliner: Andrew Bird

Awesome awesomeness with buttered awesomity and pralines. Clearly one of the most talented musicians around.

I made this for you Andrew. Hope you like it:

Better Left Forgotten

Every time I have more than say, two things that I need to do but can't do right away, I must write them down immediately or I will forget. More often than not, things go undone because I forgo the 'right away' part and can't remember what I'm supposed to write when I finally find a pen and paper.

At any rate, even when I do manage to write things down, they come out like this:

recope 46K

Now I ask you, wtf does that mean?

Have You Ever?

Have you ever met someone who had the same name as a stuffed animal you've owned for years?

"Stan...Wagner? Stan Wagner! I totally named my stuffed duck Stan Wagner when I was ten. Wow. What a coincidence."

Have you ever wondered what G. W. would do if Earth was invaded by aliens and he actually had to fear for his safety?

"Um...er...heh heh...I think you maybe wanna talk to mah friend Cheney...I've got a rock to hide under over there."

Have you ever imagined how much greater a movie would be if you had been in it?

"I so could have played that better."

Have you ever tried to win someone over by not talking to them?

"..."

Things I Tell Myself To Make It All Better

When you discover one evening that you have been wearing your underwear inside out all day...

...doesn't it mean you will have good luck?

Can it please?

Things Done This Weekend

X Accidentally broke the toilet paper dispensor in a public restroom.

X Accidentally broke the brand new candle just purchased 2 minutes prior by dropping it in a different public restroom.

X Accidentally broke my no more than 2 hours of tv on a Sunday vow by watching 8 episodes of Battlestar Galactica in a row. No public restoom issues involved.

WTHIWWY - A Letter To The Celebrities, III

A reading from the book of What The Hell Is Wrong With You?

Dear Britney:

Please stop going commando and then showing everyone your vag. Really, it’s getting old.

Dear Lindsay:

Please stop talking. Just. Stop. Talking.

Kisses,
The Buk. That's Ms. Buk to you two.

Dear 2007:

Please don't suck.
Thank you in advance.
Love always,
Hapabukbuk