Nice Glonous Chopstlcks

Have you ever read the paper wrapper on your chopsticks?
Here is the text verbatim from my most recent wooden utensil packaging:

"Welcome to Chinese Restaurant
please try your Nice Chinese Food With Chopsticks
the traditional and typical of Chinese glonous history
and cultual.

BAMBOO CHOPSTLCKS
PRODUCT OF CHINA"

What?

A quote from a news article said by a 'Jane the Teacher' about Sarah Palin:

"She represents the kind of woman that I am, not ultra feminist, but feminine," said Jill Bowling. "I feel like I can be feminine and strong at the same time."

WHAT? Please don't speak until you have learned to stop setting women back 60 years. It might also help to educate yourself on the definition of feminist.

Jackass.

You Know What Would Be Awesome?

If Satan, aka my landlord, could turn on the heat.

If the apartment across the alley could get some freaking curtains so when they turned on the light it didn't also have to go on in my bedroom. (I was wrong! It's not their kitchen, it's their bedroom. Who doesn't have curtains in their bedroom?)

If I could suddenly become lactose tolerant, just like I suddenly became intolerant. I miss cheese.

If I could teleport. I would so be on a beach in Hawaii right now.

World Record Potentially Lost Due to Hungry Snack Famished Crowd

Who ate my big freakin' sangwich?

(no picture due to sangwich being eaten before being photographed)

This Just In...

The guy visiting the guy in the office across the hall from me does not have an inside voice. The door is closed and I can hear every word of his rant about Raiders Of The Lost Ark.

I mean really.

Inexplicable Adult Behavior

"I knew I was in trouble when the old guy with the oxygen tank passed me." 
– Matt Damon, joking about his recent appearance in a Miami marathon

In 2000 I ran a 5k. Or rather, I sped walked, then walked, then jiggled on jello legs until I crossed the finish line...after the 90 year old man in teeny, tiny yellow shorts. I came in 342 out of 345. Me and Matt Damon are like this.

You Betcha!

Click on picture to enlarge for full debate flow effect:

Really?

I couldn't help but click on it...almost 8,000 people voted.

8,000 people.

I won't even mention how unflattering those head shots are.

*sigh*