Anyone? Anyone?

I came across this on the front page of youtube. I realize that by posting this I am in a way promoting it, but I just need someone to answer me why/how it came to be. Then I also found out it's a cover of a Tom Wait's song and I had to go cry in a corner. I feel broken. Or maybe it's just my eardrums.

I Fell Out Of Bed...

..again. But I haven't done that in 23 years. Stupid bunk bed.

This bed was much closer to the ground but I'm a lot older now. It hurt. AND I wasn't even sleeping. I was leaning over to check the fan setting. The f'ing fan setting. I'm old.

OLD.

Honk If You Like Sarcastic Bumper Stickers

"My pit bull is smarter than your honor student."

Isn't It Ironic?

Because I don't get Showtime and have to wait until someone posts last night's season 4 premiere episode of Weeds on the interwebs, I watched Intervention on A&E instead. I've seen a total of about 5 episodes and cried my eyes out every time.


Every time.

Where Will You Be May 21, 2011?

I was sitting in Union Square minding my own moral business when a woman leaned down, thrust a leaflet into my hands and said, "here you go sweetheart." I mumbled, "thank you" as she walked away and let out a sigh when I read the title:

Does GOD Love You?

Did I really think she was handing me a menu for Better Burger? But as I was waiting for a friend I decided to scan the 'literature', mentally arming myself against what was sure to be an overtly manipulative attempt to embrace Christianity.

And then I laughed and laughed.

1. Why is there suffering if God loves us?
A. Our sins are the cause for all sorrow.

2. But I'm not a bad person, I've done more good than bad.
A. "By God's standard of righteousness, even the most moral person is...a desperate sinner on his way to hell." (the first giggle exploded out)

3. What will God do to the wicked?
A. Hell on earth. The rapture will "occur on May 21, 2011 and this world will cease to exist on October 21, 2011."

4. He will destroy man and burn up the earth?
A. For 5 months it will be hell on earth, then yes He's going to burn it.

blah blah blah

10. What can I do to be saved?
A. "There is nothing you can do to get yourself saved. ...Only God can save you."

12. Can I pray to be saved?
A. Yes. God is merciful but this won't get you saved. He'll just know you want to be.

13. Should I go to church?
A. No. The church is evil. The bible is the only way.

So basically, I'm a sinner no matter what I have or haven't done and I'm going to hell, if hell on earth doesn't get me first. On May 21, 2011. I can pray to be saved but that's no guarantee and going to church is a waste of time because God is no longer saving people through the ministry.

Man Alive. We are all F'ed.

A Few Good Things During A Family Obligation During Ridiculously Hot Weather

On the way to my cousin's wedding, my father noticed the wrap I was wearing despite the heat and said, "why are you wearing a blanket?"

As the wedding took place outside when the sun was at its highest, my father made a beeline for the small patch of only shade in the middle of a flower bed.

When the fifth bridesmaid made her appearance, the following conversation took place:
Dad: How many bridesmaids are there?
HB: I dunno, however many she wanted.
Dad: What?! There should be a limit!!

My parent's decided they didn't want to stay at my apartment because I don't have AC, but didn't tell me so I had to stop by Walgreens to pick up a toothbrush and a pair of boxers with a Schlitz logo across the front and back.


Seriously? What could be better than that?

True Colors

Which of the following people did I see in concert last night?

a) The Cliks
b) Indigo Girls
c) Regina Spektor
d) The B52s
e) Cyndi Lauper
f) ALL OF THE ABOVE

If you picked f you are absolutely correct.

Jealous?

I knew it.

16 years. That's how long I've waited to see the B52s in concert. Throw in Margaret Cho, John Cameran Mitchell, Regina, the Girls and Cyndi?

I was literally shaking in my seat.

I can die happy now.

A'mazing concert. Totally worth every cent. Everyone should attend, it should be mandatory. If only for the Human Rights recognition!

Snack Time

A group of giant pandas is fed at a zoo in Beijing, after the animals were moved from the Wolong breeding centre because of food shortages and damage after the 12 May earthquake in the region.